My Inner Saboteur

We all have an inner saboteur. That little part of us that doesn’t want us to receive what we want in exchange for safety. But safety is a booby prize – fool’s gold. We want what we want, not safety!  But that’s what we get when we live through our saboteur. Safety and emptiness.

Just last night I identified a very important saboteur of mine, one that has had me dodging a lot of miracles for years. That little guy is self-righteousness. Let me explain:

In recent years, whenever there’s been something that I’ve really wanted, regardless of the topic, a “movie” would play in my head about how it would turn out with something or someone blocking me from getting the thing done or receiving what it was I had in mind. The “film” would then show me how I’d confront the person or situation so that I could set them right for their lack of consideration toward me, their irresponsibility regarding that which I wanted. Go figure!  My ego would then feel a “faux” satisfaction from teaching them a lesson, them wrongdoers!  After the fake satisfaction was real enough – a temporary dissipation of the fear energy that had not turned into directed action – the movie in my mind would move on to another topic, oblivious to what it had made me miss.

The perceived benefit was that I was exercising – in my mind only – my ability to communicate my frustration and to feel vindicated from the evil “they” had bestowed upon me.

The problem – and most important aspect – of this dynamic is:
I STILL DIDN’T HAVE WHAT I WANTED!

An even deeper aspect of this problem is that sometimes my ego would make me the enemy. When I had myself to blame for screwing up I’d send myself to where I’d be as far as possible from seeing what I wanted, not to mention receiving it.  The ego won’t blame itself, of course, and someone must pay, so I, the real Self, had to be punished for getting in my way.

Now I realize that instead of working toward my intention, my mind has been keeping me “safe” from the possibility of failure by not doing anything about it, and feeding me an illusion of actually having done something. And it’s only that: an illusion.

Knowing this I can now cut out the middle man, and go directly into working on my manifestation. Now I know that whenever my “mind movie” goes into “protect Carli from frustration” mode there’s really something there for me to do about what I want. I can now turn off its previously automatic switch and redirect my energy toward creating my desired result – like writing this blog post, for example. I can stop looking for the fall guy, as there is nobody there. It’s only myself!  I can starve the parasite of self-righteousness in exchange for living into the best version of my life.

What is your main saboteur?  Which part of you gets in the way of living the way you want?  Do you blame others?  Yourself?  Who’s the usual culprit for you not having what you want?  Take a moment to observe your patterns of failure or inaction and identify what keeps you away from your desired manifestations and feelings. Reflect on how you can redirect your focus and what you can do now from an unbridled point of view. Then go for it!

Comment below, I’d love to know your insights!

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